Label: JesusWarhol - EPTC1 • Format: File MP3, EP • Genre: Electronic, Pop • Style: Downtempo
A s the cookie crumbles in my mouth, delivering a shot of much-needed sugar, a sudden urge flashes across my mind. I am tempted to grab another, and another, before dashing to the loo to purge. Stilling myself, I engage rationally with my feelings and manage to move on without giving in. I want to be healthy, not excessively thin.
But my anorexic and bulimic urges have always been more about control than any misguided notions of vanity. The number, which equates to tens of thousands, is probably just the tip of the iceberg — many sufferers, like myself, do All The Time - Tall Children - Share My Mind seek help when they experience problems.
Instead, I have learned over the years, that I have to forgive myself when I slip up, pick myself up and focus on something else until the feeling passes. My first foray into extreme dieting came at the age of 15 when, over the period of a few months, my weight plummeted from a healthy 55kg 8st 7lbto just under 38kg 6st.
What started as a vague wish to compete with my skinnier friend became an obsession that led to me skipping breakfast and lunch, and throwing most of my dinner into the bin. Although I was initially motivated by the desire to be thin, looking back I can see that there was more to my illness than simple vanity.
A combination of GCSEs, financial worries and 5th Ward Boyz - One Night Stand of inadequacy led me to focus on the one thing I felt I could control.
And once on that path, the feeling of triumph I experienced every time the scales revealed weight All The Time - Tall Children - Share My Mind was addictive in itself. This - Modeselektor - We Are Modeselektor (Blu-ray) — my long-suffering husband, the thought of my children, or the realisation that I am hurting myself — always drags me back from the brink. The thought of passing on any tendencies to my children also plays on my mind, and I make sure I eat a healthy diet and encourage them to do the same.
The disease is not a silly childhood blip that I can grow out of, but something that I will struggle to keep at bay throughout my life. For women like me, the perception that anorexia is a disease of the young and is linked to narcissism is damaging.
Eating disorders are a mental illness; and while they may start with a wish to have the perfect body, the pattern of damaging behaviour that emerges is akin to a drug addiction. The knowledge that disorders can flare up repeatedly throughout life, or even appear for the first time at middle age, should not lead us to despair, but give us greater understanding of what drives the anorexic brain and how sufferers can be helped. But bringing them out into the light, admitting that we have suffered or are suffering, is one of the keys to addressing the problem.
Removing the stigma and challenging the assumptions that persist about eating disorders is the route to greater understanding and better health for those of us who struggle. Topics Eating disorders Opinion. Health Mental health Women comment.
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